So I'm at this stage where I'm seeing that this mom thing is super hard. I love him, I care about him but it's hard. I worry about if he's getting enough milk. I don't sleep at night. I take care of him all day wondering if I'm doing things right. It's lonely. It's hard. Geoffe is a lot of help but he works all day. I feel so alone in this very unsure world of being a mom....
So Friday I had to take him to his 2 week appointment. The doctor had to cauderize something in his belly button that involved some sort of poison. Doctor said that it didnt actually hurt zach to do it but is having me continue to clean it out with alcohol. Now I know that the alcohol hurts where he was cauterized. The skin is red and peeling and every kid knows that alcohol on owies is the pits. Zach screams every time I clean it out. So tonight as he's screaming I just broke down crying. I'm normally a strong person. But here I am hurting the poor guy, so tired and think I am not giving him enough milk at night. (he acts hungry all night from 6-9)
Anyway all this to say... It's rough.. Everybody says it will get easier... Seriously does it or do people say that to offer some hope that might not be there? Waiting and longing for the easier...
it gets ... different. the things you are struggling with now get easier, and then new challenges come. luckily once they do, you will have built up more confidence after successfully getting through your previous challenges... i'm learning every day & so is he. it's still hard, and lonely, and tiring, but in different ways. but God is teaching me to appreciate every moment, even the screaming ones... but i'm a slow learner... love you.
ReplyDeleteIm not sure if it gets easier, because once youve conquered one set of issues, the next set seems to start- different day, different problem. But generally after 6 weeks they usually sleep thru the night or at least a lot longer at night and less during the day, which should allow you to get more sleep at night.
ReplyDeleteBe careful of the baby blues.....sounds like youre getting a little bit of that going on-read up on it - Im sure there are lots of things on internet about the subject and how to handle it, But dont think its just going to go away and you can get through it on your own....might want to even talk to your Dr. about it. Well thats my 2 cents worth! Stay strong and know you are a wonderful mom!
This is Lindsey from CRU:
ReplyDelete2 weeks after Elijah was born I looked at my mom one day (and I was completely serious) and said "when is the mom getting back, this has been the LONGEST babysitting jobs EVER!" My mom just laughed at me but I knew how I felt.
There is nothing that ROCKS your world more upside down, than new parenting. But, I consider myself a veteran now and having #3 this year only makes me more confident that I know what I'm doing.
I felt the way you do and with time the knowledge of understanding the different cries, what to give for medicine and how to deal with the chaos and cries.
My current challenges with my kids is: Jacob wakes up every weekday morning at 2am screaming and not wanting to go back to sleep and Elijah walks to the front door (or wakes up) and begs me not to go to work at 4:30am.
Good luck and you're doing great.
Don't stress about it! About the milk . . . you do have less fatty milk in the evening, so if he wants to nurse a little more often, that's okay.
ReplyDeleteRemember, your body is still on a hormonal roller coaster, so everything is going to feel monumental even if it isn't.
It does get better! When Mia was born, it was not love at first sight, but it took a little time. When she was 3 weeks old, I fell in love with her. After the first 3 months, when I was supposed to return to work, I couldn't go back because I had fallen so deeply in love with her. I finally went back to work full time at 9 months, but only for 6 weeks because I hated being away from her so much. I ended up taking 18 months off!
All that to say . . . it gets better, much better. When you finally get some real rest, you'll feel so much better. Each week is a little better than the last. Keep up the good work!