Thursday, September 23, 2010

Where's the praise at?

When God wants to tell you something, man he really goes at it.  At life group tonight we talked about the things that God has blessed us with.  Most of the answers included ways that God has blessed people with big things.  As I sat and thought I realized that I didn't have my big thing.  As we went on with the group, we talked about praising God for the blessings that he has given us.  Now we rewind a bit.  At Route 56 I'm in charge of teaching fifth and sixth grade girls about comparing ourselves to others and the dangers of it.  Now why God wants to teach me this when I struggle with it emmensly daily, I don't know.  I just know that he does.  The talk isn't until mid October, so I've procrastinated thinking about it and how I'm going to present it to these girls.  Thursday afternoons in Children's ministry I do a lot of emailing, reminding volunteers about serving on Sunday, and I do this mostly through facebook.  Which brings us to this afternoon.  Facebook was down for the majority of the afternoon, so as I'm sitting in the office wondering what to do with my time I figure I would at least read the lesson book we have for the girls on comparing ourselves.  You know what the book mostly deals with?  Prasing God for how he has made us.  Praising God that we were made in his image.  Paying attentioin to the good things about us and not focusing on the bad.  Because when we focus on the bad its when we are comparing ourselves with others.  So basically, I should praise God for the way he's made me and not focus on all the things I don't like about me.  So fast forward to lifegroup tonight.  We talk about blessings that God has given and I realize that I have been blessed with so much.  Maybe nothing huge that I can share a great story with, but so many things that make one big.  I've been blessed with a loving Husband who cares about me.  A baby who will be born. A family who loves me.  A job where I'm used and loved.  Friends who support me and encourage me.  A car that gets me around.  A ministry that is doing good.  Most importantly a God who has given me all this.  Who loves me.  Communicates with me.  Cares about me.  Disciplines me.  And is there.  Many, Many blessings. 

  Which brings me to prayer.  There is a verse in the bible about presenting our requests to God with thanksgiving.  In the message it says "Don't fret or worry.  Instead of worrying, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers.  Letting God knows your concerns."  I'm so focused in prayer about what I need.  Asking others for what I need.  I met a girl last year at a bible study who when asked what prayers she had she would always start with praises.  At first I thought it was weird.  But now that I think of it, its pretty awesome.  Something I need to do more.  Focus on more.  Do more.  Praises.  Not focusing on things I dont like;  want, and need.  My husband says that we have it pretty good.  And we do. 

Many Many Praises....

Thursday, September 16, 2010

So the blog thing......

So I've always wanted to be a writer.  When I was in High School and college I would spend hours writing in my journal about many things.  I noticed that my entries would change from crushes, first dates, kisses, friends, and family to God, family, growth, friends, boys, heartbreaks, and triumphs.  I've watched me change through the years. 

I haven't written in a long time.  Which is why I've started this thing.  Writing somehow relaxes me.  Takes me away from the things that pull me down.  Sometimes I write too much.  Sometimes I turn to the wrong areas to write.  But I think this is safe.  Safe because I have freedom.  And safe because I can control who I want to read it. 

Lately God has brought me through a lot.  I married the man that I never thought would come and I'm pregnant with our first child.  I'm filled with many emotions regarding Zach.  Joy.  Love.  Fear.  Anxiety.  Happiness....  Will I be a good mom?  Will I know what to do?  What will he look like?  Who's eyes will he have?  Will we ever be able to afford a place to call our own?  Will Zach be happy?  I know I must trust God in the unknown, but its often so hard. 

God has been teaching me a lot the last two weeks.  About myself.  My struggles.  My pain.  My fears.  My desires.  And my hopes.  I wonder if God ever gets tired of me turning to other people for help with my pain and not him.  Or is that what people are there for?  I really struggle with that.  Looking to others for acceptance and love instead of the one that can give it to me completely.  I'm not saying that other people do a bad job of showing me love and acceptance.  My friends do a great job, but if I can't even accept God's love how can I accept their love without question?  I'm just saying that God has really shown me that I need to seek him out first.  Then my fear of being overwhelming to others... might not be so overwhelming because I am resting in his love... 

A good friend told me recently that her prayer for me is that I can see outside myself.  I've been really holding onto that prayer this last week.  Trying to not focus on all the things I don't like about myself.  But instead, trying to focus on our God.  How great he is and what he has put us here on this earth for.  I don't know if the whole world is as lucky as I am to know what I'm passionate about and what I'm good at.  I don't just guess...I KNOW.  So... I focus on my mission field.  I focus on here.  Now.  I focus on showing love to others in a way that they might not be able to see themselves.  Because often I am that way.  Not able to accept God's or other peoples love.  I would appreciate prayer for this. 

So with this blog I'll keep you updated.  Zach moves a lot.  It's pretty cool to sit in a room and feel movement inside.  I feel silly because I am not a singer but I've started to sing to him.  Geoffe and I like to make up songs on the spot.  That's always fun.  Usually Geoffes end up being about how Zach's mom is a beautiful dork and mine end up being about love.  Oh.. half way there...  4-5 months more and we will meet him.  :)