So I'm at this stage where I'm seeing that this mom thing is super hard. I love him, I care about him but it's hard. I worry about if he's getting enough milk. I don't sleep at night. I take care of him all day wondering if I'm doing things right. It's lonely. It's hard. Geoffe is a lot of help but he works all day. I feel so alone in this very unsure world of being a mom....
So Friday I had to take him to his 2 week appointment. The doctor had to cauderize something in his belly button that involved some sort of poison. Doctor said that it didnt actually hurt zach to do it but is having me continue to clean it out with alcohol. Now I know that the alcohol hurts where he was cauterized. The skin is red and peeling and every kid knows that alcohol on owies is the pits. Zach screams every time I clean it out. So tonight as he's screaming I just broke down crying. I'm normally a strong person. But here I am hurting the poor guy, so tired and think I am not giving him enough milk at night. (he acts hungry all night from 6-9)
Anyway all this to say... It's rough.. Everybody says it will get easier... Seriously does it or do people say that to offer some hope that might not be there? Waiting and longing for the easier...
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
new baby
Zachariah will be two weeks old tomorrow. The last two weeks have been CRAZY. Adjusting to mommy life has been hard. I don't think I expected having a baby to be easy, but I definetly didn't expect it to be as hard as it is. Don't get me wrong. I'm adapting to this whole mom thing pretty well. I love him dearly. I think its pretty amazing that something so beautiful came from me and Geoffe. I worry. I cry. I don't get much sleep, and I feed him feed him feed him. But its all pretty amazing and priceless. Nothing can compare to it. Just amazing.
I thought I'd share a little about the birth experience. The nurses at Kaiser pretty much made my experience amazing. They helped me in delivery, they educated me on what was happening, and they helped me after the C Section learn how to breast feed, take care of, and listen to my babies cues. My water broke at midnight on the 7th. I called the birthing center because It wasn't a huge gush of water and I wasn't sure if it was actually my water breaking. They told me to come in just to be sure so we did. We found out that there was merconium (Zach pooped inside). I was dilated to a 3 and contractions had started so we got a room and waited. I felt like a sissy when it came to the contractions. Man I asked for the epidural by 4:30 a.m. After recieving it I couldn't feel my legs or the pain anymore. People had to come and move my legs for me and I got to experience first hand what it was like to be paralyzed. The nurses started noticing that with every contraction Zach's heart rate would go down and then back up. This caused some anxiety with everyone. They called the doctor in and he basically said it was probably my pelvis contracting against his head which caused his heart rate to lower and then come back up. The nurse wasn't convinced and said that she thought there was a cord around his neck. But we kept watch, and everytime it went really low the nurse would call the doctor in. Around 11:00 the nurse called the doctor back and and he didn't leave. He stayed for a while watching the contractions and watching Zach's heart rate lower and then go back up. He checked my dilation and I was at a 10 so he decided to have me try to push. I did, and I couldn't get him out. Everyone was alarmed at his heart rate at this time so they decided to do an emergency C section. My epidural had worn off so I had to be put under and Geoffe wasn't allowed in the operating room. 6 minutes later Zach was pulled out limp and blue with the cord wrapped loosely around his neck. He had an apgar of 3, 7, and then 8. They massaged him, put him on oxygen and got him all better.
Now my beautiful boy is just amazingly beautiful and healthy. Words can't describe how cool it is having him here and good. We had a scare, but what matters now is that he is healthy.
The adventure continues........
-M
I thought I'd share a little about the birth experience. The nurses at Kaiser pretty much made my experience amazing. They helped me in delivery, they educated me on what was happening, and they helped me after the C Section learn how to breast feed, take care of, and listen to my babies cues. My water broke at midnight on the 7th. I called the birthing center because It wasn't a huge gush of water and I wasn't sure if it was actually my water breaking. They told me to come in just to be sure so we did. We found out that there was merconium (Zach pooped inside). I was dilated to a 3 and contractions had started so we got a room and waited. I felt like a sissy when it came to the contractions. Man I asked for the epidural by 4:30 a.m. After recieving it I couldn't feel my legs or the pain anymore. People had to come and move my legs for me and I got to experience first hand what it was like to be paralyzed. The nurses started noticing that with every contraction Zach's heart rate would go down and then back up. This caused some anxiety with everyone. They called the doctor in and he basically said it was probably my pelvis contracting against his head which caused his heart rate to lower and then come back up. The nurse wasn't convinced and said that she thought there was a cord around his neck. But we kept watch, and everytime it went really low the nurse would call the doctor in. Around 11:00 the nurse called the doctor back and and he didn't leave. He stayed for a while watching the contractions and watching Zach's heart rate lower and then go back up. He checked my dilation and I was at a 10 so he decided to have me try to push. I did, and I couldn't get him out. Everyone was alarmed at his heart rate at this time so they decided to do an emergency C section. My epidural had worn off so I had to be put under and Geoffe wasn't allowed in the operating room. 6 minutes later Zach was pulled out limp and blue with the cord wrapped loosely around his neck. He had an apgar of 3, 7, and then 8. They massaged him, put him on oxygen and got him all better.
Now my beautiful boy is just amazingly beautiful and healthy. Words can't describe how cool it is having him here and good. We had a scare, but what matters now is that he is healthy.
The adventure continues........
-M
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